Fear and Trembling...

This morning, soon after I arrived at my shop, G. came to my area in the flea market... "I have it... the doctors are going to do a biopsy but they are sure I have cancer... it is in my left lung...that's why I have been hurting so much in my shoulders and ribs."  The words came out in a jumble because G. was trembling so hard, she could hardly speak.

I put my arms around her and pulled her close to me... and she wept...

G. lives in her car much of the time...  Sometimes, she can stay at a friend's house.  The friend is a vendor here at Mixie's like I am... G. befriended me some months ago when she asked if I wanted to buy some jewelry she was trying to sell so she could put gas in her car. It was wintertime.

G. has grown children but I think she is estranged from them, although I have seen her daughter once with her in the flea market.  Mostly G. is on her own.  She is thin as a rail and appears ill... I don't think she eats regularly either.  She probably has issues that keep her from utilizing the county welfare system.  I don't know.  I've helped her in small ways and she has always been grateful.  She has had a hard life from what I can tell.

Yesterday morning, she came to me and announced that she had finally gone to the doctor who sent her for an MRI... she was to get the results the next day...  "Please pray for me"...  And that I did.

Today, after she had calmed a bit, we talked about the possibilities... what might happen... her fears for her children...  And I added, her fears about herself.  "Let me know what happens... Let me know if I can help... do you have someone to go to the hospital with you?"

I said, "You have to fight this."  "Yes, I will", she said.  I said, "You have to fight until God says it's enough..."  "I will", she said.


Lord, if it is Your Will, bring healing to your daughter.  Mind, body and spirit.  She is so frightened... Comfort her and be with her in the days ahead.  Let her recognize Your presence and be at peace.



Photo Credit: Angie Ryg

Don't say "Goodbye"...

The priest and I again visited Minnie who had just been moved to another hospice care facility. She was getting much weaker but she purposely forced herself to sit up in the bed because she wanted to be anointed again and to receive Communion.

Because Minnie was so weak, I suggested that the priest do only what was necessary for the rite, rather than every prescribed prayer. She was able to receive Communion and, I know, she was grateful that we had come.

As we were getting ready to leave and were saying our goodbyes, Minnie spoke up and in no uncertain terms, reminded us: "Don't say goodbye... say, See you later!"

Minnie died two days later...

See you later, my precious friend... when we all meet at the throne of mercy... May you rest in peace in the arms of our loving Father.

The end of days...

I am very very tired tonight... I have had a busy day.

This afternoon, I received an email from our parish secretary alerting us that Minnie was back in the hospital and not doing well. Also, that one of our elderly parishioners had had a stroke and was in the local VA hospital in the hospice unit.

Minnie is my friend who has recently been diagnosed with metastatic cancer... I had been bringing Communion to her since an earlier hospitalization. I had not been able to get in touch with her for the last week and didn't know what was going on. Minnie is one of our Wednesday evening Mass participants and has been the one to set up for the Mass ever since I realized how much she wanted to do this herself. So I stepped aside and set up the lectionary instead...

After I read the email, I called the parish office to speak to our priest. I asked if he was planning to visit these two parishioners this afternoon because family members had asked for him. I wanted to go with him. So we agreed on a time. Our priest is one of our foreign priests and is happy to have someone accompany him on these visits.

The hospital where Minnie had been admitted is a large complex of hospitals and requires a lot of walking and directions on how to go from one place to another. There are even slips of paper with directions to help people find their way. When we arrived at her room, Minnie was awake but a little confused in talking to us... She has had many tests and lots of bad news.

Our priest anointed her and gave her Communion... Because she is dear to me, I asked to say a short prayer too. Her son had just come in to be with her and he eventually walked us through the maze of corridors on our way out. He told us how serious her cancer is. I hope she will eventually be able to return home... but only God know if that will be possible.

Our next visit was to our elderly gentleman parishioner who had been admitted to the local VA hospital with a stroke. This hospital is garden style and it felt like we had to walk a mile through another maze of corridors before we arrived in the hospice section. Fortunately, a volunteer led us to our destination. Our parishioner was alone and either asleep or in a coma... the nurses could not give us any information about him since no family members were present. One of the nurses tried to arouse him but was not able. He may have been sedated... Anyway, our priest also tried to rouse him but I suggested that he simply anoint him and I left a note to his family that we had visited and that the priest had anointed him.

We finally returned to the rectory in time for our Wednesday evening Mass and I took over once again, the setting up that Minnie had always loved to do. I wonder if she will ever be able to return...

Heavenly Father, if it is your will, bring healing of mind, body and spirit to your daughter, Minnie and to your son, George.

Joy! Joy! Unspeakable Joy!

"Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God." (Teilhard de Chardin)


Such a moment occurred last Sunday at a nursing home where one of our elderly parishioners suffering from dementia was being cared for.

Many years ago, Gertrude and I would go together to bring Communion to our shut-in parishioners. She was a painfully shy woman who could not bring herself to go alone but wanted very much to participate in this ministry. Gertrude loved to help the sick and for many years, she nursed people in their homes.

As the years passed, Gertrude herself became homebound and slowly became a victim of dementia. I visited her many times to bring her Communion.

About two years ago, my visits ceased when Gertrude was placed in a nursing home. One of our other parishioners had been visiting her and she continued to do so at the several nursing homes Gertrude was moved in and out of. I could no longer keep track of her because I now had others I was visiting.

We now have a new pastor. One of the things we wanted to do was to introduce him to our shut-ins. This we have begun doing.

However, before taking our priest to visit Gertrude, I wanted to visit her myself to see how she was and to determine whether or not she could receive Communion. Rosemary, who had now visited her many times, thought that Gertrude could no longer understand what the Sacrament was about. That her dementia was too far advanced. So, we arranged a Sunday after Mass when I could accompany Rosemary and another parishioner to visit Gertrude.

We arrived at the nursing home and waited in the parlor until the nurse brought Gertrude to us in her wheelchair. I did not think she would remember me after so long a time, so I said very little.

Rosemary and Mieko sat on either side of Gertrude and were talking to her and showing her the Christmas gift they had brought. Gertrude recognized them. Suddenly she looked over to me; and with a look of incredible joy lighting up her face, she recognized me. I was absolutely overwhelmed... She wouldn't stop looking at me and she wouldn't stop smiling. I went over to her and tenderly stroked her hair as my tears fell. She held out her hand to me and spoke my name several times. Most of her words are now incoherent but she tried hard to communicate with us.

I was so moved because I recognized that this moment was a sacred one for Gertrude and for us who witnessed it. I thank God for this gift.

Even though she cannot speak coherently, she understood what we were saying. I told her the next time I came to visit, I would bring our priest with me. Again, her face broke out in a smile. If we had brought Communion to her that day, she could have received it and understood.

There's a lesson here. We simply don't know what an impact simple actions on our part can have on another person. All those times that Gertrude and I visited the sick together must have meant much more to her than I could ever have guessed.

The joy that God's presence brings was surely in that room with us that day.


Photo by Mieko via IPhone during our visit with Gertrude.

The End of Life as we know it ~ Part 3

For my friend, Doris T_ _ _ , who asked me to speak at her funeral...


I visited Doris soon after her serious bout with pneumonia, a couple of months ago. She had an important favor she wished of me.

"What would you like for me to do?"

And Doris said: "At my funeral, I want you to comfort my family and tell them about me."

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My dear loved ones... Henry, Robin, Tiffany, Mother, Nana girls, sister and brother, other family members and friends. I am truly aware that YOU are the ones who knew Doris best of all...

I think what Doris wanted me to do was to tell you what I understood about her experience of our Heavenly Father and the beauty I found in her heart and soul because she allowed me to see it.

I am the one she entrusted to bring her Holy Communion from this, her beloved parish church, during the times she was unable to attend our services.

It all began two years ago when my pastor told me to expect a call from Doris T_ _ _ , a parishioner I barely knew. Doris told me later that she knew me only as a choir member and a lector but she apparently trusted our pastor's judgement that her desire for privacy about her illness would be safe with me. Anyway, Doris called me and asked me to visit her and to bring her Holy Communion, which she very much desired.

During that first visit, we discovered that our personalities were well matched and our reactions to our life experiences were quite similar. Thus our friendship began.

Doris would phone me when she was ready for another visit... Each time I visited her, we would catch up on what had occurred in our lives since the last visit. Doris was very perceptive and would realize immediately if something was troubling me. Sometimes, Fr. _ _ _ and I visited her together, but most of the time, I visited her alone. Though not really alone for I carried the Body of Christ with me.

Anyway, all of the joys and concerns that we had just shared during the visit became part of the prayer we offered to God in petition and thanksgiving as she prepared to receive Him.

Those moments when Doris received the Body of Christ were holy and tender moments of communion with "her Jesus." Afterwards, I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving for the Gift she had just received and she sometimes added her own prayer to mine.

My dear loved ones, Doris loved the Lord and she knew where her strength and courage would come from. She had a great yearning and desire to be united with Him through receiving the Body and Blood of Christ during Mass. When she was unable to attend Mass because of her illness, she still was able to satisfy that longing and receive Him at home.

I believe this is what she wanted me to share with you.

As for myself, I want to tell you what a privilege and honor it has been for me to be allowed to accompany Doris on that part of her journey. You know I loved her with all my heart and I know she loved me too.

In loving memory...

The End of Life as we know it ~ Part 2

Just a few months ago, I wrote a blog article about my friend, who knowing that she was reaching the end of her journey, asked me to speak at her funeral. You can read the original article here.

She has been in and out of the hospital or rehab center ever since. She has always been a very private person, so I only visited her when she expressly called me to do so.

Last night, I received a phone call from her husband. My friend was again in the hospital and this time, she will not return home. She asked her husband to call me; that she wished me to come to visit her. I said that I would come the next day or Tuesday. Her husband advised me to come the next day...that is how bad off she is.

There was no one in the room when I arrived this morning. Her husband had gone to get something to eat since he had been with her all night. One of the daughters would arrive a bit later. My friend was drifting in and out of sleep since she was heavily sedated. She is on hospice care now. She decided herself that she wanted nothing else done for her except to be kept comfortable. Not only is my friend a private person but she is a strong woman who has tried to keep as much control of her life as she can. She has even written her own obituary! I am in awe of her strength and character.

I went to her bedside and spoke to her. She became alert and recognized me. The first thing she said to me was to remind me of my promise to her. She can hardly speak clearly now but there was no doubt what she was saying to me. I assured her that I would do everything she wanted.

We are in an unfortunate period in my parish right now. We are in a transition time from one pastor to another. The priest who has been caring for my friend's spiritual needs the past 3 years has transferred to another diocese far away. He left in early June. Our new pastor will take over July 1st. In the meantime, we have had a visiting priest to celebrate our Sunday and Wednesday Masses. Neither of these priests know my friend or her family.

I explained all this to her husband who is not Catholic. He wants my help to make the church arrangements. In speaking to her daughter, I was reminded of another priest from a nearby parish who does know her. Hopefully, this priest will be available when the time comes.

I left them with the promise to return tomorrow... My friend's remaining days on earth are getting shorter now. It will soon be time for her to go home to her Heavenly Father.

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Update: My friend entered into the arms of her Heavenly Father on Tuesday, June 22, 2010 around 8:15 p.m.