Were you there, when they crucified my Lord...

I used these reflections as I led the Stations of the Cross on Good Friday at my parish. Perhaps they will be helpful for others...


First Station: Jesus is condemned to death

Jesus prays: Father, in the Garden of Gethsemane, I begged You to let this cup pass from me. But I knew even then that I would accept it and that Your Will would be my destiny. Pilate has given me over to people who hate me. They cry out for me to be crucified... and I am afraid.

Second Station: Jesus carries His Cross

Jesus prays: Father, help me in this, my final journey. They have crushed a crown of thorns on my head; they have scourged my body; and now, they have thrust a heavy cross across my bleeding back... Father, please give me the strength to carry this cross up Calvary Hill. I feel so alone... but I know You are with me. And Father, I forgive them...

Third Station: Jesus falls the first time

Jesus prays: Oh Father, the cross is too heavy. My body is too weak. I can scarcely see what is ahead of me and I have stumbled and fallen. The people are mocking me as they drag me to my feet again... Father, help me...

Fourth Station: Jesus meets His afflicted Mother

Jesus and His Mother speak: Mother... Mother...
My son, my precious son... If only I could take your place... But I will walk with you... I will never leave you... I love you...

Fifth Station: Simon of Cyrene helps Jesus to carry His Cross

Simon speaks: The soldiers are pushing me toward the cross and are forcing me to help a man carry it. Will they crucify me too? Oh, God, behold the man... I recognize him. Truly, he is now a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. Jesus, I will help you...

Sixth Station: Veronica wipes the Face of Jesus

Veronica speaks: What have they done to my Lord? He is like someone from whom people hide their faces. They despise and reject him. My Lord, let me wipe the blood from your face...

Seventh Station: Jesus falls the second time

Jesus prays: Father, give me courage... People are crowding around me. I can scarcely breathe... I am so tired. I stumble and fall hard on the sharp cobblestones. The soldiers are dragging me to my feet once more, because I have no strength left. They will not let me die here...

Eighth Station: Jesus meets the women of Jerusalem

Jesus speaks: Father, the crowd has gotten larger and among the people are many of the women who used to accompany me. Their tears touch my heart. Despite my anguish, I want to comfort them. Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but for yourselves and for your children.

Ninth Station: Jesus falls a third time

Jesus prays: Father, I cannot go on... I am sick unto death. I have lost too much blood... The way has become steeper because we are climbing Calvary Hill. Again, I slip on the jagged stones and am crushed to the ground by the weight of the cross... I know the end of my journey is near. Your Will is hard, Father, but I put my hope and trust in You. There is nothing else...

Tenth Station: Jesus is stripped of His clothes

Jesus prays: Father, I have reached my destination. Here I stand on Calvary Hill. They have taken my clothes and are casting lots for them. They taunt and revile me in my nakedness. I have been led like a lamb to the slaughter. Soon I will be cut off from the land of the living... Stay near me, Father... I need You...

Eleventh Station: Jesus is nailed to the Cross

Jesus prays: Oh my Father, the pain is so great I can hardly bear it. These hand that have healed your people... These hands that have blessed their children... These hand that have broken the bread and blessed the cup... These hand have almost been split apart by the spikes nailed through them. My feet that have walked in your paths, will do so no more in this life. As the cross is raised, my body is now being dragged down by my weight... and I am in agony...

Twelfth Station: Jesus dies on the Cross

Jesus speaks and prays his final words:

Father, forgive them, they don't know what they are doing...

Truly, I tell you, today you will be with me in Paradise...

My God, my God, why have You forsaken me...

I'm so thirsty...

It is finished...

Father, into Your hands, I commend my spirit...

Thirteenth Station: The body of Jesus is taken down from the Cross

Mary speaks: Be careful... Be gentle with him... John, bring me my son. I want to hold him in my arms one last time... Oh, my precious Jesus... My son...

Fourteenth Station: Jesus is laid in the tomb

Joseph of Arimathea speaks: Mary, I have a tomb already hewn into the rock. We will wrap the body of Jesus in a linen cloth and will lay him there. I will seal the tomb with a large stone so no one can steal his body...


Our Heavenly Father speaks to US: Through his suffering, my servant shall justify many, and their guilt he shall bear. Therefore, I will give him his portion among the great and he shall divide the spoils with the mighty, because he surrendered himself to death and was counted among the wicked; And he shall take away the sins of many, and win pardon for their offenses. Is 53:11-12

Ways That Lead Nowhere; and the Awareness of Sin

From Psalm 139:

"Look into me, God, and know my heart;
Examine me and know my paths.
See if I am wandering on ways that lead nowhere,
And set my feet on the path to eternity."


Lord, you showed me very painfully that I had wandered on a way that leads nowhere...

That what I was mentally accusing others of, was precisely my own sin. The arrogance and pride that I attributed to others also resided in my own soul. That the anger and disgust I felt for the persons involved was my judgement of them - something I have no right to do.

Oh, my sin hit me like a rock! I was humbled. I was shocked... because I saw so clearly that I was no better than what I was attributing to others. And that sin was eroding and destroying my soul.

Have mercy on me, Lord... and forgive me. The Lord heard my plea.

As I was deciding what to do about the situation, the phone rang. It was my priest. After our conversation, I said I had something to ask of him: "After our parish meeting tonight, will you hear my confession?"

God is good...

How to Ruin a Good Thing - A Cautionary Tale

As I was praying the OOR this morning, I was struck by a line from Psalm 69: "Idlers at the gate speak against me."

Can't you picture these folks at the entrance of a city or a courtyard gate anywhere, having nothing better to do than to spread gossip and rumors about other people? I can...

Oh yes... and then I remembered an incident that happened to me a long time ago. Here is the story of how I ruined a good thing.

Maybe about 30 years ago, I was working as social minister in my parish. I would be in the parish office a couple days a week, taking calls and visits from people who needed assistance. I liked doing this kind of ministry and I learned a lot during those years.

One day, one of my parishioner friends phoned me and said: "Do you realize that there are rumors going around about you?" What!?

And she proceeded to tell me what was being said and who was spreading the rumors. I was shocked, stunned, disbelieving, hurt, angry and frightened... I immediately went to my priest and told him what was being said. He simply shrugged it off and said: "This happens all the time. If you can't stand the heat; get out of the kitchen!" Not exactly what I wanted to hear...

What to do... what to do? I certainly wasn't going to "get out of the kitchen"... I had done nothing wrong. But there were surely "idlers at the gate" who wished me harm with their gossip.

Here is what I decided to do. I thanked my friend for telling me what was happening. I decided I would not acknowledge any of the rumors. I would not confront the person either. I simply went on about my business and did my work as I always had.

The woman who was spreading the rumors was very active in the parish and was doing a lot of good and commendable work there. At every opportunity, when people gathered and happened to mention her name, I would always make sure to say something complimentary about her and to acknowledge all the good she was doing. I never spoke badly or complained about her even when I heard others do so. When our paths crossed, I always made a point to be pleasant to her.

I guess, eventually the rumors stopped... No one else ever brought them to my attention. People realized that they were untrue; and eventually, the woman left the parish.

So... you may be thinking, that I really handled that situation well, so how did I ruin a good thing?

Well... even though I recognize that I had handled it in the best possible manner, this episode is forever tainted in my mind because I fell right into the evil one's trap! Pride replaced the good decisions I had made... how happy I was because the woman had left the parish. I had my revenge for the hurt she caused me...

Look how quickly evil can replace good. How pride and ego can slip in... How vengefulness can overcome honor and honesty in dealing with others... The purity of my motives had disappeared. Sad, isn't it...

There was a concluding prayer today in the OOR:

"In your goodness Lord, fill us with your grace.
Make us draw back from our human excesses
And hold fast to the heavenly wisdom that is your gift."

In My Hands

Something quite beautiful happened today. My priest and I were planning to visit a parishioner this morning to bring her Jesus. I had just placed a Host in my pyx when my priest came into the church. I was getting ready to hand him my pyx when he said that he had come to tell me that he was ill with a fever and could not visit our parishioner. I was holding the pyx in my hand.

I had something that I wanted to speak to my priest about and asked him if we could talk for a few minutes before I left to take Jesus to our friend. He agreed. I was holding the pyx in my hand...

We talked for several minutes. As I was listening to him, I was very moved by what he was saying. I was thinking to myself, "This is truly a holy priest." I was really grateful to be his friend. I thought these things as I was holding the pyx in my hand.

As we finished our conversation, I had a strong desire to receive a blessing from him... something I had never asked of him before.

"Before I leave, would you give me your blessing?"

"No," said my priest. "You don't need my blessing... You are holding the Blessed Sacrament in your hands..."

There's much more to it than I thought!

Peregrin over at Perspectives of a Wanderer wrote an interesting article about his first meeting with a spiritual director. It got me to thinking.

A couple years ago, the idea came to me that I should have some spiritual direction. I had no idea what that really meant; but I did have the feeling that I needed some help in the area of my spirituality, since I seemed to be going nowhere fast! So I went to my priest and asked if he could help me. He agreed...

A couple of months later, after what I thought was progress, my priest gently told me that he could no longer direct me. He told me that there were things he wanted to correct me about but was unable to do so because we were also friends and he did not wish to hurt me. He recommended I call a friend of his, an order priest (Fr. J) who he felt would be better able to direct me.

It took a few weeks before I could connect with Fr. J... left a phone message, email, etc. Not hearing anything, I got really discouraged and went back to my priest and said I had no luck in contacting Fr. J. As it happened, the Holy Spirit intervened and soon afterwards, my priest ran into the order priest, mentioned that one of his parishioners had been trying to contact him. Fr. J acknowledged he had gotten the messages but had had no time to respond.

That very afternoon, I received a call from Fr. J, who immediately set up a meeting at the local abbey for a week or so later. And thus my real spiritual direction began.

I was nervous about that first meeting. I didn't know what would happen; whether we could work together; whether I would be able to trust someone I didn't know... Probably what most people will experience in such a situation.

So the afternoon of the appointment, I drove to the abbey, went in and waited. Finally around the corner, Fr. J appeared, dressed in his cassock. As soon as he saw me, he opened his arms wide and gave me a big hug! I knew then, that I was in the right place!

What has amused me so much, is that here I am, a left-of-moderate Catholic and who have I ended up with? A traditional priest as my spiritual director!

His first advice? I must trust the Holy Spirit completely; that I must have patience and I must be prepared to take little steps at a time. I've never forgotten that advice.

I decided to write this little article because so many people wishing spiritual direction aren't sure how to go about it. This is how it happened for me.

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Mo

What to do... What to do...

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and I am still up in the air as to what I want to give up or do extra for Lent. I had no problem deciding what to do last year because I discovered two weekday Masses at a local hospital chapel that I began attending. I was so happy about that and have now made it a given to attend them each week. I met many nice folks because of it and even more importantly, I was able to receive my Lord Jesus more often.

This year I have thought of several different ways to enrich my Lenten experience but nothing has grabbed me as tightly as those extra Masses did last year. Here is a list of some of the things I thought about and that I am considering and will probably offer up for Lent:

1. I would like to spend some real quality time in meditation. I have only done this hit or miss. I have to find a way not to become so easily distracted. It's probably because I am older and thus my mind wanders more easily to daily happenings.

2. I recently bought Ascent of Mount Carmel by St. John of the Cross. I'm pretty sure I will begin reading that book tomorrow. I love to read anyway and always have a book or two at hand (I own a bookshop which makes my habit convenient!).

3. Lent is always a good time to lose some weight so I will do my best to desist from my favorite crunchies... Even my son (who lives with me and is not a believer) has said no more cookies for him! That will save me on my grocery bill, don'cha think!

4. I have one of those coin boxes from Church that are given out before Lent to place one's change in for the poor... Maybe some of that extra grocery money can find its way into that.

5. And now a biggie! What to do about my life on the internet. Between Plurk, Facebook, Chat and special websites that I visit, I spend a lot of time online. Some things I do require a web presence for me but there is a lot of time that I spend online that is not necessary. And there is lots that I put off that needs to be done at home... Well, I guess I answered my own question...

6. There is also lots in my spiritual life that needs work... I'll just have to take those things a day at a time and see if I can remove some of the things that keep me from God.

So, that's about it! I would guess many of you are in the same boat as I am... Wanting to make a difference in our lives... Not sure exactly how to go about it except with little steps and with big trust in the Holy Spirit...

AMEN!

ChitChat in the Chapel

This blog post came about from a reflection I read this morning over at Fr. Charles' fine blog, a minor friar. His reflection, Toying with the Talkers, is well worth a read. Fr. Charles loves his early morning, 6:45 a.m. daily Mass and arrives in plenty of time to pray and meditate before it is time to begin Mass. BUT his plans for a quiet time of meditation are continually foiled because his faithful parishioners also arrive early and spend the time before Mass chatting - and apparently not very quietly!

Anyway, I had to chuckle about his story of the chitchat going on before Mass because I have had to endure the same thing. Let me explain:

Last year for Lent, I decided to try to find a Mass nearby that I could attend as part of my Lenten resolutions. I discovered a twice-a-week Mass in the chapel of the local Catholic hospital not far from my home. The chapel is served by the pastor of the nearby church, actually my territorial parish, which I do not attend, since I prefer my birth parish in the nearby city.

So, I began to attend this Mass. The regulars at the Mass are a tight knit group, older people like me, who have gotten to know each other well over the years. Introvert that I am, I tried to keep to myself at first... I arrived earlier than the others and so thought, "Wow, I'll have some time to meditate and pray to Jesus in the tabernacle!" NOT!

For too soon, the regulars began to arrive and the chitchat started! At first I was annoyed... Where was my meditation time? God, I really need some quiet time with You...

But guess what? It wasn't too long before they asked who I was... where I went to church... whether I was interested in lectoring during the Mass along with the 2 or 3 other people who take turns each time... and introduced me around.

And something else had begun to happen. I began to realize that this little community of people care very very much for each other. They look out for each other. If someone is missing they want to know why. They are also willing to let a stranger into their midst. They are Catholics who have a great love of the Mass. They want to be here... They want to be among their friends and as a community, we worship and pray and offer the Sacrifice together with the priest. What more can I ask...

Although I truly miss time to have an extended period to meditate and pray in this chapel on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I take what time I can... Then when my neighbor turns to me to ask a question or to tell me something that I might be interested in knowing, I try to be there for her without annoyance... God must simply have other plans for me those two mornings...