There's much more to it than I thought!

Peregrin over at Perspectives of a Wanderer wrote an interesting article about his first meeting with a spiritual director. It got me to thinking.

A couple years ago, the idea came to me that I should have some spiritual direction. I had no idea what that really meant; but I did have the feeling that I needed some help in the area of my spirituality, since I seemed to be going nowhere fast! So I went to my priest and asked if he could help me. He agreed...

A couple of months later, after what I thought was progress, my priest gently told me that he could no longer direct me. He told me that there were things he wanted to correct me about but was unable to do so because we were also friends and he did not wish to hurt me. He recommended I call a friend of his, an order priest (Fr. J) who he felt would be better able to direct me.

It took a few weeks before I could connect with Fr. J... left a phone message, email, etc. Not hearing anything, I got really discouraged and went back to my priest and said I had no luck in contacting Fr. J. As it happened, the Holy Spirit intervened and soon afterwards, my priest ran into the order priest, mentioned that one of his parishioners had been trying to contact him. Fr. J acknowledged he had gotten the messages but had had no time to respond.

That very afternoon, I received a call from Fr. J, who immediately set up a meeting at the local abbey for a week or so later. And thus my real spiritual direction began.

I was nervous about that first meeting. I didn't know what would happen; whether we could work together; whether I would be able to trust someone I didn't know... Probably what most people will experience in such a situation.

So the afternoon of the appointment, I drove to the abbey, went in and waited. Finally around the corner, Fr. J appeared, dressed in his cassock. As soon as he saw me, he opened his arms wide and gave me a big hug! I knew then, that I was in the right place!

What has amused me so much, is that here I am, a left-of-moderate Catholic and who have I ended up with? A traditional priest as my spiritual director!

His first advice? I must trust the Holy Spirit completely; that I must have patience and I must be prepared to take little steps at a time. I've never forgotten that advice.

I decided to write this little article because so many people wishing spiritual direction aren't sure how to go about it. This is how it happened for me.

The Wren's Song

Sometimes, during the summer months, in the early morning soon after I have awakened, a wren begins to sing directly outside my bedroom window. This tiny bird has one of the most beautiful voices in nature; and it is a joy to hear it.

The wren's song is loud and has an intricate and beautiful melody. The wren is calling someone. If you listen closely, away in the distance, one can hear a faint response to its call. As the wren continues to sing, the answering call sounds closer, becomes stronger, as though the second wren is following the call of its mate so that they can be together.

Isn't the wren's beautiful call like God's call to us? God sings His beautiful melody into our souls and desires a response from us.

Our souls try to answer but because of sin, our voices are weak and can scarcely be heard. God doesn't give up though. His beautiful melody reaches us again and again, as we try to put away our sins and come closer to Him.

As I reflect on God's call, I am reminded of another call - the evil song of the Lorelei, whose haunting melody lured sailors and their ships to destruction among the rocks of the river Rhine.

But our God's call is not a call to destruction; but a call to life in Him. The call of the evil one can have no effect on us if our hearts, souls and minds are filled with God's melody.

The Need for Silence Within

Although I am a pretty active person and have been involved in a lot of things for a long time, I am still basically a loner. I am not much of a conversationalist and I use up my "small talk" rather quickly when I am in a crowd. Mostly, I would rather the other person do the talking.

I think I am more of a listener... and the fact that people often come to me to tell me about sad things they are dealing with, bears this out. I think being able to listen is a gift that I received from God long ago. By living through my own experiences, I've been able to empathize with others. I don't doubt for a second, that God is working through me when my words bring comfort to others.

I like to be alone. Not necessarily physically alone, because I am very grateful to have one of my sons living with me. He also likes his own space; so we get along quite well. We are in the same house, but not always in each other's presence. We both like it that way.

But being alone doesn't always mean silence within. It is often difficult for me to meditate at home. Even when I go to my quiet place, I am surrounded by things that I need to do or that bring to mind other times. My thoughts scatter all around before I can tame them into even a semblance of that state where my God might speak to me. Those times when I do reach that silence within, I find it is a state I cannot maintain very long. Nonetheless, I am always grateful for every second...

I would like so much to live near a church that was open during the day. It would be such a treat to be able to open those doors and enter into that sanctuary of peacefulness where Our Lord resides. There, in the quiet of His house, I could much more easily hush the noisy conversations going on in my mind and truly experience the silence within where I could listen for the whisper of His word to me.

But one must do the best one can and so, I will make do with what I have and ask the Holy Spirit to quiet my mind and guide my prayer so that no matter where I am, I will be able to attain what I yearn for so much... that silence of His presence.

The Prayer of the Church

Many years ago, in fact in the latter part of the last century, I bought a copy of Christian Prayer, the single volume of The Liturgy of the Hours. I was in a diocesan program for ministry formation at the time; so the custom of praying this Prayer of the Church was brought to our attention and encouraged.

I found it very difficult to get into the rhythm of the Hours or to understand how to use the book correctly, so eventually I gave it up and put my Christian Prayer away.

During the last couple of months, however, my desire to try to learn this prayer has again come to the fore. From others on the Internet, I learned a little more about how the hours were prayed. I also learned that there was a website called Universalis on the Web, that provided the daily prayers of The Liturgy of the Hours free of charge. I have been using this site for the past couple weeks and I think I now understand much better how this prayer works.

Soooo, I took out my Christian Prayer book and took a second look... Well, the book was as much of a mystery as before. Flipping pages and trying to locate the correct prayers and trying to figure out where to put the ribbons was going to be my downfall again! UNTIL I learned that one simply needed to buy a Christian Prayer guide for a couple dollars and the puzzle would be solved!

I now have the guide. And, I am learning how to make some sense of how everything is integrated in the prayer book. I will also continue to use the Universalis but when I wish to be truly alone in my prayer, I will be able to use the book wherever I might be...

For those of you who have thought of praying the Liturgy of the Hours but have felt it was too daunting a task to learn, have patience with yourself. Look how long it took me! The Holy Spirit surely must have pushed me to try one more time. I must not have been ready the first time; but I hope I am now...

Burdens we place on ourselves...

This morning at Mass, the priest spoke about what God has asked of us. God's only command is that we love Him with our whole being and to love those we come in contact with. It is this simple.

However, because of the baggage we bring with us from past relationships and situations, we are burdened down with much more than is required of us... Loving God and our neighbor becomes entangled with so much of our baggage, that we no longer see clearly God's simple command.

I was really struck by the reality of these words by the priest as they related to my own life. These past several days, I had been sorely troubled about several things. As I listened, it dawned on me that I was burdening myself needlessly. As soon as I realized this, the troubles fell away...

It is always amazing to me how the Holy Spirit works through others and often, in such unexpected ways.

Not what I expected...

Today I had an appointment with my SD. I left my shop an hour early because it takes me about 40 minutes to reach my destination. As usual I was looking forward to seeing him and I had some things to talk about.

So I walked in and sat in my usual chair in the lobby to wait. I never know what the traffic is going to be like so I always plan for about 15 minutes leeway. Well, the clock struck three and there I sat. After about 10 more minutes, I decided to call his cell phone... such a long wait was very unusual. No answer... Finally I saw several people come along and I asked where Fr. J. was.

Someone paged him... no response. Someone called him on his cell phone... again, no response. They finally determined that he was not in the building.

Okay, so I asked if I could sit in the chapel for awhile... Of course, someone said...

So, I spent the rest of my hour there... and it was really a godsend because I rarely am able to sit and listen to what God might want to say to me. It was very peaceful and quiet in the chapel. It is not easy to do this at home... Even if I am in a quiet place at home, my thoughts seem to connect with things I have to do there. I become easily distracted...

But today in that chapel, I could be at peace.